Feminist Karaoke
Posted by spitfiregrrrl on March 17, 2009
Last night was the SXSW Happy Hour for the Feministing.com and Pandagon.net editors, who were in town for a panel, which I desperately wish I could have afforded to go see.
Fortunately, I did have the cash to buy a few drinks at Beerland and join in the celebrations. And it was sooo much fun. There was gender bending renditions of Dolly Parton, Queen, Prince and Tina Turner. There were powerful women dancing and hollering and taking over the place. I woke up a little hung over and almost unable to walk, my legs are so sore from dancing. And it was so great meeting people and having fun on my spring break.
But what I was particularly struck by was the safety and comfort I felt being in that environment. I felt it was ok to be sexy – no one was giving me creepy looks. I felt it was safe to get a little buzzed – no one there would take advantage of me. I felt it was ok to go up to people and introduce myself – no one would take it the wrong way. I felt it was safe to wear a shirt with FEMINIST on it in big letters – no one would call me a lesbian with a spit and a sneer or try to get me to make out with another girl while they watched. I could just be myself, and that is the most comfortable I have ever felt in a bar. Ever. I even added my bag to the pile on the couch – which is something I would normally NEVER do. But it was just such a safe space, and besides; the bag was inhibiting my dancing.
The experience got me pondering Feminist spaces. What defines them, what makes a place feel safe like that? Are there Feminist bars out there somewhere? Are all of them de facto Lesbian bars? How well do those places do financially, if they exist at all? Are all the employees women? Or Feminist men? What about the bouncers?
I know that I would spend an awful lot of money at a Feminist bar or coffee shop. I already do my best to buy all my books from Book Woman, and support any woman owned business that I know of (which, is not, come to think of it, that many).
So. Why not? Why hasn’t anyone opened a bar and said – this is a Feminist establishment. It is safe to be a woman here, it is encouraged in fact. There are NO posters of dismembered sexualized prepubescent women’s bodies designed to advertise bands of greasy haired men. There are no bouncers scanning you up and down for the proper proportions of skin and nipple in order to let you cut to the front of the line. The employees and other patrons will not let someone slip something in your drink, or take you home if you’re too drunk. Go ahead, have a beer, sing some kareoke, have fun without feeling on display…
It seems a LOT of women would enjoy that space. It would be a great venue for female musicians, and a great meeting place for feminist organizations…
Makes me want to start my own business.
So, anyway – know of any such places? In Austin or other cities? Let me know, because I’d love to pick their brain. And give them my money.
Jason said
Spitfire Grrrl,
I was one of the men in attendance. Your post makes me smile and proud that I was there. So many of those women and men there are my friends and I’m excited to think about how natural it was for us to create that kind of space. Nobody planned for it. Nobody made any overt changes to how that venue does business. Nobody made any speeches about feminism or gender dynamics or sexual politics. We just enjoyed each other’s company in a very human way.
I have no idea if that’s a common thing in the world or not. I do know, though, that when you can foster a community of like-hearted individuals — you can make them where ever you get together.
spitfiregrrrl said
Jason,
It’s so nice to meet you! My only regret was not getting more time to connect with all the great people there, so I’m so glad you found me. :) I was wearing the burnt orange FEMINIST shirt, if that helps.
I don’t often experience that safe and powerful community, especially out at a public bar, but I’ve decided that’s a mission worthy of taking on. Because I love dancing, and drinking and not having to watch my back while I do it.
I hope you had a great time in Austin, and thanks for adding woman-friendly vibes to our city. I’m thinking I might volunteer for SXSW next year, so I can see some of the panels I missed this year.
Derrick said
Spitfiregrrl,
Like Jason, I was also in attendance (yours truly is responsible for that Purple Rain ditty), and I wanted to say that I’m happy you were able to enjoy yourself. I’ve crossed paths with Samhita online, but this was our first face to face meeting. Along with Ann, and the others from Feministing threw a fun and great place to have fun, and big ups for the bar for letting us take over the way we did.
More than anything, the bulk of the people I crossed paths with at SXSW I’d never met in person. 99% I met via social media networks, and you know what? It’s all good. We all fell into real life friendship pretty fast.
As a black gay man, I know what it’s like to be ‘othered’ along the lines of what it might be like to be a woman, and I’m glad that, for at least that night, it didn’t matter at all.
See you there next year? :)
Cecily said
I was also at the Feministing/Pandagon party (and got up on stage to sing a couple of times).
I hadn’t really thought about the space before I read your post, but upon reflection I agree with you – this was probably the only party space at SXSW where I felt truly comfortable. I didn’t have to worry about someone making a stray ‘no fat chicks’ comment while I shimmied on stage, and I knew that the men who were in attendance were, if not allies, at least people who were respectful of the women who were assembled.
I want to believe that it’s possible to create spaces like this in this day and age, but then I think of other women-centered/feminist-centered spaces that I’ve known in my life and how almost all of them ended up shuttering their doors. Maybe it’s time to try again; maybe we have the business acumen, technological tools, and built-in community that women didn’t have in the past. I sure would like to see someone try it and succeed.
spitfiregrrrl said
I remember you! That song was so great! I admire your courage, the most karaoke I’ve done is on rock band in my friends living room. :P
I would say that as a black gay man you and I have a lot in common, and a lot of beautiful differences too. I also loved that gender and race and sexualities (in all in multiple and manifest forms) and hometowns and singing abilities (yours were fabulous) melded all together in this super great let’s all just be humans and be happy together lovely event. I’m so glad I made it down there that night and I’m so excited to have met everyone.
I live in Austin – so I will FOR SURE be around next year. I might volunteer in 2010 so I can go to the panels (I’m such a dork). And in about a year and half I’ll be moving across the country – maybe to NY. Is that where you hail from?
spitfiregrrrl said
I remember you too! Everyone looked like such close chums and such cool feminists, I have to admit I was a little intimidated. :) I desperately miss Gaby & Mo’s in Austin (an out of business Lesbian coffee shop) and the few others I know of have gone out of business as well.
I think you’re right that it’s time for someone else to try again.. hmmm now how do I find that person and convince them to do that..
Where are you from Cecily?
PS – I just subscribed to your blog, and I think your pictures are lovely. I’m glad you’re remembering to breathe. :)
George said
Hi, I just want to co-sign what my friends above said: I was there, I got up and sang a few songs, I had a great time watching folks just belt out songs (including that Freddie Mercury dude, heh). I’m glad you had a good time. I remember introducing myself and telling you I thought it was cool that you were wearing that shirt and that it was great to be out with our fellow feminists. I hope you do volunteer next year, and that we’ll get to go do it all over again then if not sooner.