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How Can Men Express Sexual Interest in a Feminist Way?

June 10, 2010

Great Question via Feminism101.

Honesty is pretty much the key for me. If you are a real feminist ally, then your straight up “I find you attractive and I’d like to get to know you better” will not creep me out. Having standards for personality are a real turn on too. I recently got asked out by a guy, and in making plans for our date via facebook chat, I made some witty comment and he said “Oh good, you’re as funny sober as you are drunk.” (We met at a friend’s grad party and I was a bit lit by the time we started talking). I was delighted that he had standards for me to meet as well as me having standards for him. This DOESN’T mean that I want to be given a list of criteria that I have to meet for you approval alla “The Game,” but I likewise don’t want a guy who is willing to go out with me purely based on how I look, even if I’m a complete tool.

I also think this has a lot to do with paying attention, reading signs, and following her lead. I agree with the blog post too, that it’s all about tailoring your response to the person you are interested in. Ya know, as if she is a specific and unique human being and not one of a group of prey. My friend and I often get identical messages from men on okcupid. Some of them get pissed when we bust them and say that the majority of women don’t write back. I suspect this is because no one responds to form letters.

That’s what I have for now. What do y’all think?

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